I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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