had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
