I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
