I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize