cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
