So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
