I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
