took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
