At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
