there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
