I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
