if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
