Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

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(443): View more from Maryland

We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

Fav 100 39355 1770
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(319): View more from Iowa

You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift

Fav 20 5113 839
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.

Fav 21 3807 1053
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(708): View more from Illinois

You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

Fav 13 6880 1592
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(970): View more from Colorado

Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.

Fav 4 1060 2067
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(443): View more from Maryland

THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.

Fav 13 2463 1713
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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.

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