I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
