She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
