Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
