This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize