apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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