Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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