Who wears a wallet chain?!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
