A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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