Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
