I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
