When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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