I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
