Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
