Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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