I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize