At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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