I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Come share oat with me in your robe
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
