i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
