I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
