Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize