I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize