Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
