I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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