that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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