she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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