Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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