OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
