I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
