I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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