This girl is more easily done than said...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
