Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just tell him i said nine months
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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