Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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