She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
