Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
