Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
