his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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