if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
