Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
