I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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