No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
