I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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