Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
