Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
