Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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