ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
