Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
