Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
