I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
