I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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