Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize