Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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