i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
