Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
