I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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