just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
