i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
