I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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