you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
