Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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