I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
