her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
