Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
