remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
