Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
