And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So many bounce houses so little time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
