Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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