My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
