so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
